ButtFluck Funny Jokes

Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.

St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it.”

The teacher answered quickly, “That would be the Titanic.” St. Peter let him through the gate.

St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn’t need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: “How many people died on the ship?”

Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie. “1,228,” he answered.

“That’s right! You may enter.”

St. Peter then turned his attention to the lawyer… “Name them.”

A little boy was in a relatives wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side).

While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar loudly. So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the front.

The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was near tears by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was just being the Ring Bear!"

A little boy was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he really needed to go to the bathroom. So he raised his hand to ask if he could be excused. Of course the teacher said yes, but asked him to be quick.

Ten minutes later he returned, looking more embarrassed. "I can't find it", he admitted.

The teacher sat him down and drew him a little map to where he should go and asked him if he will be able to find it now. The boy looked at the map, said "yes"and goes on his way.
Ten minutes later he returned to the class room and says to the teacher "I can't find it."

Frustrated, the teacher asked Andrew, a boy who has been at the school for awhile, to help him find the bathroom.

So two go together and five minutes later they both return and sit down at their seats. The teacher asks Andrew, "Well, did you find it?"

Andrew is quick with his reply: "Oh sure, he just had his underwear on backwards"

Waiter : "What would you like to have ..fruit juice, soda, tea, milk, or coffee?"
Customer: "Tea please"
Waiter : " Ceylon tea, herbal tea, bush tea, honey bush tea, ice tea or green tea ?"
Customer : "Ceylon tea "
Waiter : "How would you like it ? "black or white?"
Customer: "White"
Waiter: "Milk, whitener, or condensed milk ?"
Customer: "With milk "
Waiter: "Goat milk, camel milk or cow milk"
Customer: "With cow milk please.
Waiter: " Milk from Holstein or Ayrshire cow?"
Customer: " Um, I'll take it black. "
Waiter: " Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?"
Customer: "With sugar"
Waiter: " Beet sugar or cane sugar ?"
Customer: "Cane sugar"
Waiter: "White , brown or yellow sugar ?"
Customer: "Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead."
Waiter: "Mineral water or tap water ? "
Customer: "Mineral water"
Waiter: "Flavored or non-flavored ?"
Customer: "I'll rather die of thirst